According to Tosca Reno, I need to dig deep and excavate the reason I fear success. So I made a list of my fears. Just be warned: I'm a little bit whiny in this post!
1. I fear that if I lose the weight that I want to lose, I will just gain it back again. About 2 years ago I lost 13 pounds. I worked with a personal trainer and I ate the meals that she assigned me. I kept the weight off for a few months, but it slowly crept back this past year and a half. At the time, I thought that I would continue eating like that forever, but after awhile I picked up my old habits and I gained all of it back. This past year I went from drinking 1 can of diet soda to 44 ounces. I also was eating up to 3 sweets per day. I'm afraid that I will resume those old habits.
2. I'm afraid that I will have to buy all new clothes. I have some items of clothes that I really like, that I don't want to get rid of. Some of my jeans were a little bit pricey and they are super cute. I know this is really a dumb fear, but I don't enjoy clothes shopping. I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit this fear, but I'm just being honest.
3. I'm afraid of being offensive when I don't eat the food others have prepared. I have 3 sisters and in the past much of our socializing has involved food. In the next 2 months I will be spending 3 weekends at 2 of my sisters homes and I have anxiety about taking my own food. I also spend a lot of time with my sister that lives 3 miles away from me and we eat at her house often. I don't want to be rude when they prepare food that I won't be eating.
4. I'm afraid of being embarrassed. I have found that when I tell people about eating clean, most people are critical of it. The only exception so far has been my hair dresser. She even liked The Eat Clean Diet on Facebook. I get so tired of being told "oh yeah, you can't eat that."
On Friday, I went to lunch with some of my extended family. I told them to choose where they wanted to go. As I was leaving work, my friend said something about how she thought that I wasn't able to eat out because she thought I was on a diet. I told her that I'm choosing not to eat out as much as I used to, but still it was frustrating.
My family decided on a bagel place. Usually I get the lunch special- bagel sandwich, soup or salad, and a diet coke. This time I got just the bagel sandwich. It was still a "treat" though because the sandwich had chipotle mayo and bacon on it. When we sat down I was asked why I didn't get the salad, which is doused in mayo and has cornbread and cheese in it. Then I only at my sandwich with half of the bagel. Someone else snickered and asked what I was saving the other half for (which I threw away). Then after the meal, the 4 of them, shared 2 cookies. I'm happy to say that I didn't even have a taste.
When I left, instead of being proud of myself for not consuming probably 1000 extra calories, I felt totally dejected. This is my family, people that should be supporting me not criticizing me. Also, I have lost 10 pounds. I'm very excited about this, but not one of them seemed to notice. Like I said, I felt totally dejected and also irritated that they don't get it.
5. This fear is also referred to by one of my sisters as FOMO or fear of missing out. I have already turned down a few lunch invites, dessert at Chilis for a friend's birthday, and going out to dinner with friends. I'm afraid that if I continue to turn down invites, it will ruin some of these invitations. I just don't want to waste my "treats" every week on eating mediocre food at a chain restaurant.
6. The last fear I will address is that I'm afraid of explaining this lifestyle to people. As I mentioned in the past, when I do tell people about eating clean, their responses have been critical. I don't feel like I should have to defend myself. It's my life, my body and the choices I'm making are only going to effect me positively. I also don't want to be mocked, so I haven't told anyone (except for my blog and my clean eating buddy, Priscilla) that I have decided that I can get a bikini body. I'm afraid that my friends and family will be critical of that goal.
So, I have dug deep and excavated my fears, now I just need to overcome these fears so that I can reach my goals.
Great post. Thanks for being candid. It's hard for anyone when someone we know/love makes changes in their life, particularly positive changes that effect positive results. You've lost 10 pounds!!! That's awesome! But to your friends and family who just want to eat out and have weekly "celebrations" with food, you're now the "non-fun" one. I know it probably sucks to feel on the outside, but every time you turn down a dessert or a dinner invite, keep in mind what you will look and feel like a year from now. You're already well on your way.
ReplyDeleteAnd with regards to maintaining your new eating lifestyle, I think you will find it much easier to stick with over time than the diets you have previously tried. Don't you already feel like a lot of the changes you've made are now almost habit and second nature? Pretty soon, it will seem that the "treats" aren't even worth it. That's kind of where I'm at right now. I bought my kids some Hershey's minis this weekend and I didn't even feel tempted to have one. It's not worth it to me. It doesn't even sound good, actually.
Anyway, you're doing great and I can't tell you how grateful I am that I have you to share this journey with. You're smart, funny, determined and committed - all of my favorite characteristics! You WILL get your bikini body. Then your family really won't have anything to say about it. ;)